I left you guys last Thursday with a little message about taking a week off for vacation, starting just after our ultrasound on Monday morning. It’s amazing how much can happen since the last time I blogged…
Over the weekend I suffered a miscarriage.
And I was going to take a break from blogging this week while on vacation, but I feel like getting this out now is easier than having to address it when I get back. I didn’t want to think about writing this post for another week. I just want to lay it all out on the table and get back to my somewhat normal life after IVF and another miscarriage.
So while the beta blood tests from last week were right on track (we were even thinking twins for a minute because the numbers were doubling so fast), I woke up in the middle of the night covered in blood. Scariest thing ever. And I just knew right away.
But no cramping beforehand. No tell tale signs. Just completely stunned by the turn of events.
The next day my doctor had me come in first thing for an ultrasound. He said things to me like “did you pass blood clots yet?” and “do you have any frozen eggs from the IVF?”. Yeah, both not good signs.
The rest of the weekend sucked. Basically on bed rest while I was bleeding. I knew it was over. And another ultrasound yesterday just confirmed everything. Miscarriage at 6 weeks.
When we told Ellie the sad news, the first thing she made me do was promise to try again. You have no idea how hard I cried after that one. Her just holding my hand saying “Promise me we’ll try again. We can’t give up.” Seriously heartbreaking. And everything with her is WE in this process. It’s a blessing and a curse that she’s 7 going on 17.
Directly after the ultrasound we left for our mini vacation, just the 3 of us. We had this time away planned and I didn’t want to cancel. In fact, this little break from the real world is exactly what I need. I’m looking forward to unplugging for the rest of the week.
You guys have been so kind and thoughtful throughout this journey and I thank you for all of the thoughts and prayers. It’s crazy sharing this journey with so many people. I was hoping to be a positive story for IVF and infertility, but hopefully that’s just another chapter in my story.